38 Weeks

Matthew took this picture in our backyard.

This is why I love our new camera!

I am in a weird place today. I can feel my emotions barely beneath the surface. I am close to tears over anything slightly touching. I am still a nervous ball of energy and yet, I have little patience for anyone/anything. I have become so filled with different emotions that the only way to move on about my day and be productive was to write them down. So here it goes.

I am getting some alone time today because I thought if I didn't these random and somewhat unpredictable emotions might be cast on some poor undeserving soul. (I apologize if I encounter you today and am not quite myself.)

I have the need to clean my entire house, yet I lack the clarity to sufficiently get it done in a few hours. I also am obsessed with the baby in my mind right now. I just want to sit around and think about him/her all day. I am excited to meet this little one, yet I am not quite ready for the big day. I have a full weekend planned and am excited to get to all the fun things ahead. PLUS there are those two other little angels who are in constant need of, oh I don't know, being cared for. I so want to make these last few weeks special, but I am falling prey to exhaustion and laziness. This then makes me feel bad and well just typing it now and thinking about it I almost started crying (see what I mean about the emotions just under the surface?). I pray that God takes mercy on my frail emotional and mental state in these last few weeks and does not make me wait much past my due date (or even a few days early would be just fine with me). I know this one, just like the other two, will come in His perfect timing. I just wish I were more focused on the here and now and not the near future.

I am also trying to absorb this pregnancy and all the wonderful things about it. Matthew and I have talked and agreed that three is the magic number for us. It is hard to believe that in five years I went from a newlywed to the end of my child bearing years. It seems like a blink of an eye. I can't say with 100% certainty that this is it, because frankly God could change our hearts. However, I am glad that Matthew and I so easily agreed on a number. Neither of us feels that we had to give in to the other. Now in two years when I no longer have a baby in the house...I will probably be going through some withdrawals. But I just trust that my heart will still be saying the same thing...or that Matthew's will be feeling the same as mine.

As far as this pregnancy? It has been a boring one. As in no complications, no spotting, no weird problems cropping up. I feel SUPER blessed for that. Rachel's was not so easy and I am glad my last is so "boring". And honestly, I feel really good for the most part at 38 weeks. I am not as achy all the time as I was with Rachel. Not sure why, but I am glad. Now sure I have those days when I feel like crap or at the end of the day I am wiped, but overall the end has not been as taxing as I thought it would be.

Well, anyway, I am feeling a bit better now and will hopefully get to accomplish all that I have on my mini-to-do list. I hope to get the pictures of the kids finger painting tomorrow and then it will be off to a GIRLS NIGHT! Then on Sunday I get to serve on the worship team for the last time before I go on "maternity leave". I love singing with the team so much that this is also making me emotional...more than it ever has before. Next week it is orientation for the kids preschool on Tuesday, massage on Wednesday, meet-the-teacher day on Thursday and boom we are looking at the week of my due date. So, I hope to focus on all the fun things planned in the week ahead.