What We Need Vs. What We Want

In these last few weeks of pregnancy I tend to follow a pattern. First, I become increasingly excited about the impending arrival of our little one. This turns to obsession about exactly when it is going to happen. I then get frustrated and borderline angry that it has not happened yet. Thirdly, I begin a hormonal weepy phase where I am near either rage or tears for most of my day. The tears however, pave the way to finally leaning on God for strength and patience. Finally, I settle into a peace and acceptance of God's perfect timing. I release all control I think that I have over the situation. None of my children have come before I enter this final phase, and this one is no different. I am now in the peace and acceptance phase. It has taken me all week of struggling with these phases to come to this point. Needless to say it has been a difficult week. For those of you who have helped me through it, I appreciate your kind words, your listening ear, and your prayers. I am blessed with a great group of friends/family.

Now the glaring event that brought me to this point is how I got the title of this post. See, I wanted a baby this week. I felt entitled to have a baby this week. After all, I have gone past my due date with the other two...haven't I served my time? But here is the cool thing about God. He was gracious enough to ignore my want and instead supply my need. On Tuesday, I spent the majority of my Midwife appointment crying. I was stressed about numerous things and beyond over being pregnant. One of the things on my list was the stress of what to do with Rachel's potty training. She, for the most part, was getting it at home, but I had to be very involved in order for her to succeed as much as she was. After a discussion with the midwife I thought I should probably table it for now. I was still conflicted when I left the appointment, but I decided to talk to Matthew that night and make a decision together. We decided to just do the pull-up thing and encourage her to continue as much as SHE wanted to. Well the next morning she woke up dry. She then proceeded to go the next three days with only a couple of accidents. (Including night and nap time). It was like she heard us discussing tabling it and was not in favor of that decision! So, we have decided to proceed with the notion that she may regress when the baby is born, but we are dealing with a child who has the full capacity to be potty trained! She eagerly sits and goes when we ask and has even had several successful outings. We have also had a few accidents, but I have freed myself of that stress and am okay with the fact that that will happen from time to time. See, I WANTED to have a baby this week, but God knew I NEEDED a victory with the potty training before baby comes. She never would have turned that corner if we would have been welcoming a new baby this week. When God showed me that, I began the final phase. He affirmed to me (once again) that HIS timing is perfect and that HE is interested in the most mundane details of my life. The kicker is that He does this time and time again, and yet He doesn't lose patience with me or give up on me. One of the many reasons why I love Him!

The Final Pregnancy Pictures

I did let the kids finger paint my belly. It was fun, but Levi began just rubbing it in like lotion towards the end which resulted in this brown color throughout most of my belly. Oh well, it is art.

38 Weeks

Matthew took this picture in our backyard.

This is why I love our new camera!

I am in a weird place today. I can feel my emotions barely beneath the surface. I am close to tears over anything slightly touching. I am still a nervous ball of energy and yet, I have little patience for anyone/anything. I have become so filled with different emotions that the only way to move on about my day and be productive was to write them down. So here it goes.

I am getting some alone time today because I thought if I didn't these random and somewhat unpredictable emotions might be cast on some poor undeserving soul. (I apologize if I encounter you today and am not quite myself.)

I have the need to clean my entire house, yet I lack the clarity to sufficiently get it done in a few hours. I also am obsessed with the baby in my mind right now. I just want to sit around and think about him/her all day. I am excited to meet this little one, yet I am not quite ready for the big day. I have a full weekend planned and am excited to get to all the fun things ahead. PLUS there are those two other little angels who are in constant need of, oh I don't know, being cared for. I so want to make these last few weeks special, but I am falling prey to exhaustion and laziness. This then makes me feel bad and well just typing it now and thinking about it I almost started crying (see what I mean about the emotions just under the surface?). I pray that God takes mercy on my frail emotional and mental state in these last few weeks and does not make me wait much past my due date (or even a few days early would be just fine with me). I know this one, just like the other two, will come in His perfect timing. I just wish I were more focused on the here and now and not the near future.

I am also trying to absorb this pregnancy and all the wonderful things about it. Matthew and I have talked and agreed that three is the magic number for us. It is hard to believe that in five years I went from a newlywed to the end of my child bearing years. It seems like a blink of an eye. I can't say with 100% certainty that this is it, because frankly God could change our hearts. However, I am glad that Matthew and I so easily agreed on a number. Neither of us feels that we had to give in to the other. Now in two years when I no longer have a baby in the house...I will probably be going through some withdrawals. But I just trust that my heart will still be saying the same thing...or that Matthew's will be feeling the same as mine.

As far as this pregnancy? It has been a boring one. As in no complications, no spotting, no weird problems cropping up. I feel SUPER blessed for that. Rachel's was not so easy and I am glad my last is so "boring". And honestly, I feel really good for the most part at 38 weeks. I am not as achy all the time as I was with Rachel. Not sure why, but I am glad. Now sure I have those days when I feel like crap or at the end of the day I am wiped, but overall the end has not been as taxing as I thought it would be.

Well, anyway, I am feeling a bit better now and will hopefully get to accomplish all that I have on my mini-to-do list. I hope to get the pictures of the kids finger painting tomorrow and then it will be off to a GIRLS NIGHT! Then on Sunday I get to serve on the worship team for the last time before I go on "maternity leave". I love singing with the team so much that this is also making me emotional...more than it ever has before. Next week it is orientation for the kids preschool on Tuesday, massage on Wednesday, meet-the-teacher day on Thursday and boom we are looking at the week of my due date. So, I hope to focus on all the fun things planned in the week ahead.

Fun with Potty Training

It probably is better to coordinate your undies and hat.

I never thought I would say this, but potty training Rachel has been MUCH easier and almost fun. We are in the middle of day 3 of the the 3-day method. She has been accident free all day! This morning I put her in undies and she was less than thrilled. Shortly after, she took them off. I was about to get on to her and tell her to put them back on when I realized that she was headed straight for her potty. She sat down and relieved herself completely unassisted! I was thrilled! So, I let her run around naked the rest of the morning and she hasn't had a single accident. She even pooped on the potty without having to be told to go to the potty. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but I believe it is safe to say she has grasped the concept! I keep telling myself there will be accidents and she hasn't even had clothes on yet, but man is this a step in the right direction and this is only day 3! Thank you Jesus for this gift. Hoping that the diapers I bought last month are the last pack of size 4's I buy for a long time :)

The Ferris Finale

Oh baby! We are in the home stretch in terms of my pregnancy with Ferris Finale. I am 35 weeks and am preparing for my home visit with the midwives tomorrow. "What is a home visit?" Well, I am so glad you asked.

If you are planning to birth at home, about 4 weeks before your due date, the midwife comes to your house. They drop off the hospital supplies kit that is necessary for the birth (sterile supplies). They also check that you have the list of things that you are to provide (wash clothes, blankets for the baby, etc.) These things are kept together in a laundry basket so that the midwife can easily access them during the birth. This is also a time for the midwife to meet the people attending the birth, and share a meal with the family. They get a little familiar with the house too...I mean the hosts will be a bit occupied when they show up for the birth so it is nice that it isn't the first time they have been to your house.

I look forward to this visit for so many reasons. First off, I have been seeing the same midwife for all three children and I enjoy spending time with her. Secondly, this means that this little one will be joining our family very soon. Third, this is one of the prenatal visits that I get to involve the whole family. By this point both of my children have an idea of what is coming. Levi obviously gets it more than Rachel. He still doesn't know how the baby gets out, but has yet to point-blank ask me. His going theory is that it comes out my mouth...I have told him this is not true, but he doesn't ask any further questions. I am just waiting, and when it is time, I will tell him the truth to the best of his current ability to understand.

Lately, I am seeing that I am becoming more new-baby oriented. Every other Facebook post seems to relate to the baby and at least one of the items on my daily "to-do" list is related to the impending arrival. This is a good thing because I haven't been quite ready for baby in the recent months. I have been enjoying sleeping in and having 2 hours each day to myself during nap time. I was holding onto this lifestyle as long as I could. Now, I have been thrust into a plethora of changes. We have moved Rachel out of the nursery, she is demanding potty-training attention, and nap time is not happening every day. I am surprised by how well I am giving up my routine. I guess I am falling into the habits of a mom with a new baby. This lifestyle is so little about you and so much about everyone else in the household. The only thing I am selfish about is my eating. I will neglect most everything to get a quick bite in. I have had to learn this over the past couple of years. With Levi I let my eating go in order to fill others' needs. I realized this was not helping anyone. My eating has benefits to the whole family. If I eat, I have energy and patients that otherwise would not be there. I also need fuel in order to feed my baby. I make this a priority because I know how it affects the rest of my day and those around me.

I hope to post a picture of the growing bump in the next week or so. I have decided to do pregnancy pictures here at home. I am going to let the kids finger paint my belly. This will be a way of including them in the process. I hope they have fun with it.

Potty Party: The Sequel

So the years are starting to fly by and before I knew it I am staring my least favorite part of parenting (thus far) in the face once again. That's right, potty training. I hate it for lots of reasons. I won't list them all, but basically I am constantly second guessing my methods and wondering if my child will ever get it. I know from experience that they will. Levi was potty trained before he was 2 1/2 and was staying dry all night a few months after turning 3. However, the first year of potty training or being potty trained was stressful. I have been told that girls are easier and that the second child is easier as well...although I know that this is not 100% across the board true, I am hoping that it is in my case. I was not sure if I even wanted to attempt this milestone before the Ferris Finale arrives, but Rachel (having no concept of her near future) has been stripping off her clothes, peeing in her bed, and also refusing to wear diapers at home. So at 22 months I see no other course of action but to take the leap.

The 20 minute timer method was a joke for Levi and totally impractical for us. It works for lots of people so I am not knocking it all together. Each kid has a method that works for them. So I was in search of a new method for Rachel. She is aware of what her body was doing, but we needed to help her know what to do with that function. Thus, the 3 day method of stalking your child and running them to the potty as soon as you see an accident occurring is what we are going with. We are on day 1 right now. I think I can handle this for 2 more days...or more. At this moment I am going to commit to this idea of staying home and observing her (almost) every move for the foreseeable future. It is too hot to go anywhere anyway and if I have errands I will just wait to go in the evening by myself! (I love doing that anyway).

Day 1: So far we have had 3 pee-pee occurrences. All three started somewhere else, but ended on the potty. Plus a big victory. She pooped on the potty and not in her panties! This victory alone has made the day a success in my book. I saw the look of grimace on her face and suggested we go sit on the potty. She went without any fuss. I was elated! She got a prize and she genuinely looked proud of herself. Here's to hoping day 2 goes better in the pee pee department.