The End of an Era

"REST" IN PEACE


This is a sad day at the Ferris house. I have officially called the end of a glorious era known as: Daily Nap Time for All Ferris Children. It began almost four and a half years ago when we welcomed little Levi into our lives. It would possibly still be going strong if the second Ferris child hadn't killed it so unexpectedly. She is wired in such a way that daily naps do more harm than good at her age.

Levi would probably still take naps at least a few times a week if he didn't KNOW that Rachel was not napping. Thus, no daily napping for him either. We are lucky to get 1 or 2 naps a week.

I am dealing with this new dynamic better than expected. Lauren is still taking 3 naps a day, and with Levi and Rachel playing well together I get some "me" time. I have come to hold some form of ME time each day as a huge contributor to my happiness. It is not selfish and it is not a luxury. It is imperative to my mental health!

The Curse of the Baby of the Family

The third child...the last child...the finale...the baby of the family.

All of these phrases have been used to describe Lauren, our youngest and final Ferris baby. I have fought to keep it equal. I take a picture of her to mark each month just like I did with Levi and Rachel. I take a fair amount of pictures of her with my phone, but otherwise, I am slacking a bit. I have so much going on that to sit around and wait for a good photo op would be just as bad as catching up on all the seasons of Grey's Anatomy in a single week. (Or reading all three Hunger Games books in a month...ooops, I did do that). Anyway, I feel that I have committed a far worse crime than lagging a bit on my pictures of my sweet baby Lauren. I have failed to blog (journal) her milestones.

This can't be rectified in a single sitting, but I can say that I have something to give her that the others don't have at this point. A great excuse.

Dear Lauren,

I know that if you ever get a chance to look over this blog you will notice that you have a wonderful birth story. I wrote it less than 24 hours after you were born. We were waking up from our first night together and I lovingly typed it on the laptop while you slept just inches from me. Then...it seems that you sort of fell off the face of the blogger planet. I promise you didn't, but my ability to get to a computer and easily put a digital pin in that moment in time has increased in difficulty. But here is what I have been doing. I have been making mental pictures of when you first rolled over (10 or 11 weeks old). I know that you sat up at 5 months and you hit your weight goal of 13lb 14oz at your 6 month check up. I know that one day in the morning you couldn't sit up on your own and then by afternoon of that same day *poof* you could! It was amazing to see you grow a little right in front of my eyes. I sit at night and push your little soft baby head right up to my nose and take deep breathes and try to memorize what it feels and smells like to have a warm baby head right on my face. I hold back tears sometimes when you reach a milestone, because it is the last first time I will see that! So I may not be great at writing down all these things, but I am trying to enjoy them to the fullest. I will catch up a little more with some pictures when I am able to. I have taken some great pictures and you will get your own post with lots of pictures VERY soon. I promise!

Love,
Your Mama

A New Perspective

I am part of the committee that is planning our 10 year class reunion. I have been on the Facebook page creating posts purely for the intent of keeping the reunion on people's mind. I never thought this little task would give me insight into myself.

I posted a comment the other day that said, "Like this comment if you hated High School, but still plan to attend the reunion." I was merely poking fun at a comment another classmate had made and was trying to make a point. I also "liked" the comment. I didn't really HATE high school, but I never felt like I fit in, I wasn't popular and I made some choices that I wish I hadn't. The comments that followed were eye opening. A few people got on and said that they loved high school. Another commented to the notion that
I belonged to the popular group and had a lot going for me in high school! This is where I stopped in my tracks. That was the last thing I would have thought about myself in high school


At first, I was a bit taken aback that anyone would think that of me in high school. (Honestly, I am still struggling with whether the comment was directed at me...maybe it wasn't...) However, this got me thinking seriously about contentment and being appreciative for what you do have. As my mind meditated on this I had a huge epiphany. I am always (to a degree) unhappy with my life. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to just dwell in and enjoy, yet I am always looking for the next thing to further enrich the things I already have. I thought that this had passed in my teen years. I thought I was better at this, but I took that afternoon to examine my thoughts as of late.

• I long for the days when I am not dealing with poop multiple times a day
• I dream about the days that my kids are in school and for a brief time each day I can have my OWN agenda
• I look at our finances and imagine what it will be like when X, Y and Z are paid off
• I renovate our house in my mind 10X a day
• I see other moms that always seem put together and think, why can't I be like that?

Wow, I am sickened at just this small list! I have so much going for me right now. I have three beautiful, healthy children and they will never be this innocent and little EVER AGAIN. I need to remind myself of that more often. We live in a wonderful house. If we never do another thing to it, it is a great house! I will miss my kids when they are all gone at school for a large part of the day 5 days a week. I know I will adjust and it will be good to work more then, but I need to look at the bright spots of the gig I have now. And the money well, I can still think of those things and plan. I just need to be content with what we have.

Finally, I don't have it all together. Maybe someone thinks I do, but here is a secret. My house is messy most of the time. I plan play dates so that I have motivation to clean it (and the social interaction it is a double bonus here). I have a wonderful lady who comes and cleans my floors and bathrooms twice a month. (whew, that felt good to "say" I have been holding that one in for a few months). I play on Facebook so much that I think I loose an hour or so a day in 5-10 minute increments. I used to have a type A personality but the Type B in me had a coup and well here we are. I may never see her again.

I say all that to say that we can have a very low opinion of our self while someone else has a VERY different perspective of our life. There needs to be some balance. I may seem to have it all together because that is how I want to be perceived to a degree (don't we all?). I also need to pull back the reins and look at my life with the reality lens on a be happy for what it really is, not what I wish it to be. I am blessed. I have a lot going for me, and I am both humbled by that and proud of that at the same time.

Time is Slipping Away

So I just realized it has been way too long since my last post. The kids are growing so fast! Lauren is sitting and crawling and doing all the things babies like to do around 6 months. I plan to post updated pictures as soon as I can. Today is not that day, but a few technological advances have entered my life that my make this easier :)

Be Ready When you Pray...to Change

Most of the time this blog has to do with my children. From time to time I sidestep and talk about how their phase in life is changing me as a person/mother. Today it has more to do with me than them. I am throwing down the gauntlet. Today is the day I open up about my anger.

Those who know me well, know that I struggle with this. I admit that I default to yelling at my children. I HATE this about myself. If given the chance, I would change this ugly trait in myself in an instant. Even though I can change, it's not instantly, but over time. This is day one. I have a plan and a new challenge. I have been praying for a while for a direction and the strength to change the way I communicate to my children. Well in a way that only God can do, he has given me an opportunity to work on this...multiple.  times.  a day. Here is the current story.

I must preface this by saying that I love Levi. He is such an awesome kid that I feel blessed to have in my life and to have as my own son. I can already see that God has wired him in such a way as to be a strong soldier for Him. He is also wired to help refine me to be more like Christ. He has the unfortunate job of being first born. This means that I make a LOT more mistakes with him. I hope he won't remember most of them.

We are now over four months into our life with three children. Things have been great! Almost too good to be true...and then it happened. Levi started destroying things in the home. First, a letter from a friend at Christmas (he didn't know what it was). Then a toy of Rachel's. Then a few of my things, and so on, you get the picture. My first thought was that he was just being destructive again (he went through this stage when he was 2). But as it got worse, I thought it had to be more. After four occurrences in one day, (and a few spankings and much yelling) I ran to Facebook and asked for advice. Feeling I was at the end of my rope, it was suggested that he wanted more time with us. That these behaviors were directly related to the new baby. So first, thank you Facebook for giving me the opportunity to get a fresh perspective on my child at 9:00 at night. Secondly, how frustrating this was to me. It seemed I had been put into a false sense of security thinking that since there hadn't been any backlash or regression from Levi up to this point that I was somehow "out of the woods". Rachel experienced some right away and came back around as of mid December. It took longer for Levi to express the feelings he has had. He loves Lauren and is very good with her and loves to help with her. However, he is feeling that his time with me is threatened (I am assuming). He is looking to get my attention in any way that he can. The reason I feel confident in this is that he tells on himself. The last few things that he has destroyed, he came to me right away and confessed. He apologized, but he also knew he wasn't supposed to have the thing in the first place. This instantly sends me into a fury. I usually begin lecturing him and ultimately the yelling starts. I am not proud of this but feel that being honest will help. Afterwards, he is crying I am on some strange adrenaline rush from the yell, and no one has grown.

Until today.

I am on a mission to change. I have tried so many times on my own and with no real plan. Just stop doing it doesn't work.I have been praying daily for God to help me with this awful pattern and now it seems to have gotten worse. (I really believe this had to happen for my motivation to reach the point needed for change). Now I sought some council, I reached out to friends and family that I could trust to pray for me and help me, and I have a PLAN! Today was the beginning of it all.

DAY 1: After he broke something of mine this morning we had the usual melt down of events, but it was (hopefully) our last. After church today he was told to pack up all of his favorite toys. I made him do it and I supervised to make sure that he chose the right ones. He was all too happy to do this and was excitedly running around grabbing toys and saying 'Ooo this is my favorite, this is my favorite.' Soon we had a bin full of toys. I put them just out of reach, but not out of sight and explained that he would be allowed to choose 1 toy to get out of the bin tomorrow morning. If he went the whole day without destroying anyone's property, he could chose another toy the next day and so on. If he destroys anyone's property, he has to put that toy back. He said he understood. We shall see.

My challenge in all this is to remove my emotions from the situation. If/when he destroys someone's property I am to simply tell him that I am disappointed and that he is to go get one of his toys and put it in the bin. Then I will send him to his room to think about his choice. That is it, no more attention on the subject or directed towards him.

On the flip side, my husband and I are both going to make a point to spend at least an hour a week just hanging out with him. He might run an errand with us or we might go to the local coffee shop and play a game.  Either way it won't be directly linked to this new system of toys and bins, but hopefully we are filling the void that he has as his world was a bit disheveled recently. I will update you on this new journey I am taking as a person/mother and hopefully it will have positive outcomes for both Levi and myself.

So after months of praying more seriously about this, God sees that I am ready to take on the task that He has patiently been waiting to walk with me through. He is choosing to use my son to show me how a repeated sin doesn't always need a swift angry punishment. Sometimes the individual needs a soft, loving nudge in the right direction. That doesn't mean there aren't consequences for our actions, it just means that He doesn't add to our consequences. He lets them happen and uses love to woo us back to the better path He has for us. I am not only experiencing this from my Heavenly Father, but I am also trying to model this to my son. If you are reading this, please pray for me this week. I feel a bit like a smoker who has smoked her last cigarette today...

Teaching a Four-Year Old About Death

Recently, Levi experienced his first encounter with the passing of someone he knew. An acquaintance of our family had been struggling with cancer in the past year and Levi visited him in the hospital a few times and prayed for him every night. Mr. Severs went home (at age 66) to be with Jesus in mid December. His memorial service was this past Saturday. Levi came with us and it stirred some questions in his mind about death. Since Saturday I have had to field some deep questions. I delivered the answers in delicate fashion as he is old enough to be afraid of things, yet I want to be truthful too.

Again, he asked me today, "Why do people die?" I simply told him that everyone will one day. He then asked "Where do they go?" Well , I explained one side of the coin today. I told him that if they ask Jesus to live in their hearts that they go to live in Heaven with Jesus. "So they aren't dead?" Well, I said, they are dead, but it just means that they aren't able to live on Earth anymore, they live in Heaven.

He went on to play, satisfied with my answer. Later he comes to me and says, "Mom, how does Jesus live in our hearts?" I told him that simply asking him to is enough. He then says, "Can you ask him to live in mine for me?" I told him that I couldn't do it for him, but that I could help. We then stood together in the kitchen and I helped him ask Jesus into his heart. After we finished, he looked at me with big excitement in his eyes and said, "I get to live with Jesus now!" I told him that I did too because I have Jesus in my heart too. He then proceeded to pepper me with a list of relatives and whether or not Jesus was in their heart.

Today is one of the happiest days in my life. I am humbled to be able to share this moment with my son. I know he doesn't fully understand the decision he has made, but honestly I don't think that matters right now. He will grow to know more and more and I will get to be a part of those days too. I am sure that Mr. Severs got to witness the whole encounter. Even in his passing, he is nurturing a young mind to ask questions and seek out his creator.

E--Er--Exercise!

This is a snip-it of our exercises tonight. I was laughing too hard to do real push ups...

I am not sure what Rachel's excuse is.

A little longer video with the TV muted. I will have to do this again with them sometime. 

I must also teach Rachel what a push up is.

Xlerator to the Rescue!

Although these Xlerator hand drying machines are quick and efficient, my children hate them. They are LOUD and scary to toddlers. However, today it was my saving grace. See, Rachel prefers to straddle the big potty when she has to use the restroom. (I know, yuck! Especially a public one). Today as I was lifting her into the proper position (my lifting her=less of her touching the toilet), I hear *PLUNK* yep you guessed it, her foot (with socks only) right into the toilet. Thankfully, it had been flushed, but still...YUCK! However, after putting her on the toilet, I grabbed the sock and rinsed it then turned to my former enemy of the bathroom for help. I was able to dry her sock before she even finished doing her business. On that note, I would like to thank the maker of the Xlerator. You made quick work of a bad situation today.

I should also mention that all of this took place while I was wearing Lauren...I know, not easy.

Ferris Family Portrait

October 2011

The kids did a great job at this photo session. It is stressful to pick out outfits, schedule a time, keep everyone from getting some nasty bruise on their face in the week prior to shooting, and that is all BEFORE the camera even comes into view! I am proud of the two older ones for being in good moods and cooperating with the photographer. We were in and out in about an hour. A record for sure! This is my favorite family portrait so far!

The Napping Experiment

The past two weeks I have been doing some experimentation with the older two kids' nap time. I have tried being strict with the time. I thought maybe a strict routine would help them more consistently fall asleep. I was wrong and they needed lots of help falling asleep each day and each night.

Then I tried alternating the nap days with "lay-down" days. These are days when they are required to lay down on the couch and watch a 90 minute movie. If they get up the are sent to bed but if they stay on the couch and "rest" they don't have to take a nap that day. This still gives me some personal time in the middle of the day, and most of these days Levi would fall asleep on the couch and I would just move him to his bed.

After two weeks I have come to the conclusion that my almost 4-year old, Levi needs a nap almost every day. He can skip 1 or 2 a week max. However, Rachel (who just turned 2) may only need to nap 2 or 3 times a week. The plus side to this is that she is falling asleep faster and easier when she doesn't nap. She is also not crabby most evenings even without the nap.

I am a bit surprised by these findings. The four year old seems like the one who would be outgrowing naps. Rachel (up until recently) was my sleeper. She would sleep 12 hours at night and take 4 hour naps each day. I was pretty spoiled. I guess this just goes to show how different each kid really is. I am sharing this info because there may be a parent out there with the same frustrations I was going through and this might be helpful. And I just like to capture these moments for myself to look back on in the years to come.

Fall Festivities

This year we are taking it easy on the Fall activities. We have plenty of years to enjoy them and plan to do so when we don't have a newborn. However, we did get to Stony Creek Farms. They have all kinds of activities for the kids complete with the hayride to the pumpkin patch to pick out the perfect pumpkin. We went with friends and it turned out to be a perfect day!

Then we had to carve our pumpkins the following Monday. They didn't make it to Halloween, but they sure looked cool for a week or so.

Of course the big day is always a guessing game as to whether they will be in a good mood or whether they will put on their costumes or not. We had a fun day of preschool for Levi, then TorT at the town hall, then we hit up several houses on our street. Levi made it through about 1/2 of them and he began to melt down and ask to go home. Matt took him home and he fell asleep on the couch at about 7. I really thought he would LOVE TorT this year, but I was wrong. Maybe next year.

Rachel Turns 2

  

Last month Rachel turned the big 2. Only 11 days after her sister came into the world, we had a party for the new Big Sister. She really likes rainbows and will pick them out instantly when she sees one in a picture or on TV so I chose this as the theme for her party. This meant a rainbow cake that my sister, Samantha, graciously made for her, M&M cookies, skittles, colored Goldfish crackers and lots of colorful plates, napkins, etc. She had a great time and it seemed that everyone else did too.

My sister really helped me out by making Rachel's cake.

Rachel loves rainbows so this cake couldn't have been more perfect!

Rachel the two-year old is definitely a new challenge. She is a high emotions kid. This means exuberantly happy and dramatically sad all in the same minute. Maybe this is just what makes her a girl too :) She is increasing in her verbal communication to where most people can understand about half of what she says. I can understand almost all of what she says. Her latest phrase is "It not fair!" and "Check i dout!" (Check it out). She loves Lauren very much and LOVES to give her kisses...to the point of abuse sometimes. She is doing Mom's Day Out this year and after the first month, she doesn't cry or fuss when I leave. Considering her first month included a huge change at home, I am impressed. She also decided after Lauren came that she wanted to be a baby too...this meant she wanted to wear diapers. Thankfully, this was the only "baby" thing she wanted to imitate. In this past week she has started showing interest in the potty again. I hope this comes back quickly, but I am trying VERY HARD to let her lead. I am terrible at this parenting method. I want to truly let her give me the signs that she is ready, I don't want to push her into it. I jumped on it with her in August because she wanted to do it...then when Lauren came she changed her mind. I went with that too. It will come.

There is something about Rachel. Her laugh is so contagious. She is intense in all the great ways (and some of the bad ways too). Thankfully she is tough. She plays like one of the boys, but she can be dolled up like one of the girls. I hope that she is always able to find the balance with that. I just love her so much!

She tasted the icing and decided she was a big fan.

One month into the new norm...

So Lauren has now turned one month old. In these last four weeks I have started to learn who she is as a person (for now). Starting with her birth, I realize that she may take a while to warm up to ideas, but when she is ready she will come with all she has. She had no problems nursing and proved that by doing so right out of the gate and for about 30 minutes after that. She also has an amazing ability to block out the most ear piercing screams and screeches from her older siblings and just sleep. However, the mere creak of our mattress as I climb into bed at night will startle her wide awake.

She is such a good baby and I find myself marveling at the overflow of blessings I am experiencing in my life these days. When I envisioned my life as a young girl, I dreamed of having at least three kids...the number became more settled on 3 or 4 as I got older and by the time I met Matthew I had the number three as my ideal number. However, without sharing details, I wasn't even sure if I could have kids of my own. When he and I got married we knew it was a possibility that I may not be able to get pregnant. Not for sure, but a possibility. When we got pregnant with Levi I was shocked for a number of reasons. Mainly, because we were not trying to have kids. We had only been married for 8 months I wanted a little more time with my new husband. Plus, like I said, we didn't know if this was even possible. There are other factors in that time that made this a bittersweet discovery, but overall I was deeply overjoyed that I could even get pregnant.

Fast forward to 2011 and here we are three children and two miscarriages later. (I have never blogged about the miscarriages, but they happened in the fall of 2010. They were very early in the pregnancies and although they were painful, God did some very cool things during that time.) After having Lauren, I felt the dream was realized. I have this feeling of completeness with my family. I have lived long enough to know that life does NOT always go the way you think/hope it will. A lot of times, if you are following God, His plan is much better than the one you envisioned for yourself. But there are times, when His plan and your dream are one in the same. I kinda feel like this might be one of those times. I do not take for granted the blessing that I have in these three beautiful children.

Since Lauren has arrived I have experienced more contentment than ever in the early days of having a newborn. The journey of being a parent has been something I have trouble articulating. When Levi was born, I had no idea how to be a mother. I knew the basics of taking care of a newborn, but anyone can do that. Being a mother is so much more than that. As he grew, every victory he had, I took personally...every failure he had, I took personally. I was constantly looking to him for validation that I was a good mother. However, in that first year, you don't get a lot of feedback from your child. You get milestones reached and weight gained, and sleeping occurring. If these happen on time or early, you tend to pat yourself on the back. On the other hand, if they happen at a delayed pace or not the way you think they will, you beat yourself up. The grade you give yourself as a mother hangs on these markers. This is how it happened for me anyway. I was insecure and constantly compared myself to other mothers. With the second, I learned that some things are out of my control. I relaxed when she didn't do things exactly when I thought she should. I also didn't take it as personally when another child her age or younger accomplished something that she has little or no interest in doing. I stopped taking every little victory or defeat personally. I know I am a good mother. I am still growing and learning, but I know I am doing the best I can at this moment. I hope that I am better in a year than I am now. I know with time my patience will increase as my expectations decrease. I am learning that life is less about me and what I want and more about me and my family and what is best for us. God has a beautiful plan for each of us and I get to play a major part in the furtherance of three of His creations' journey. With the third, I am free from feeling my child needs to be the best or biggest or whatever. My children are such blessings to me and I just focus on loving them and being the mom that God made me to be. I am not there yet, but I have had some major changes since beginning this journey in March of 2007 (when I found out I was pregnant with Levi), and I look forward to the changes that lay ahead. 


Your reward for getting to the end of this post is pictures! Yay for you :)

Who knew Perfection was reached the first time?

LEVI: Mom, why do you still do bad things?

ME: Becuase I'm not perfect.

LEVI: Why, I'm perfect, why aren't you?

************************

We may be missing the mark when it comes to humility.

Were are your brains?

One of the many priceless conversations that I have with Levi.

LEVI: Mom, why don't you have your brains anymore?

ME: I still have my brains

LEVI: Where are they?

ME: They are in my head (pointing to me temple)

LEVI: No, the brains that were on your teeth.

ME: OOOHH, my braces, yeah those are gone.

LAUREN'S LABOR DAY ADVENTURE!

Lauren Rebecca Ferris 7lb 4oz 20inches.

Born at 9:54pm September 5th

"No pictures please. I am a mess!"

As the end of my pregnancy drew near, I began fantasizing about the perfect day for our little one to be born. I imagined, or dreamed really, about our baby being born on August 28th. When I saw that day come and go, I ran through several different scenarios. The due date and about every day within a 5 day radius. However, Labor Day was one of my top desires. I mean how many women get to say they labored on Labor Day? Well I am now one of the elite! Even though my labor started the night before, I spent almost my entire Labor Day preparing for the birth of our daughter. At 10:30pm on Sunday I had a contraction. It was enough to notice, but not painful (I had been having these kind for 3 weeks). About every hour to half hour, I would get another one. They were just intense enough to wake me up. I would return to sleep easily, but they persisted all night. I slept in (thank you Matthew) and took my time getting ready for the day. We just had Rachel at the house, so the morning was a little less chaotic than normal. We sat around until about 10 just eating breakfast and watching TV. We then decided to take a walk because it was such a great day for it and with only Rachel, we could get a nice long walk in. We walked to the park (1mile) around the loop of the park (.75mi) and home (1mi.) I was tired after that, but it probably helped keep the contractions coming. They were still about 15 minutes apart so I ate lunch and layed down on the couch for a bit and gave the Midwife a status report....I am famous for not notifying them in enough time for them to do more than come to my house, set up and deliver a baby. So, this heads up was out of my character and turned out to be a good thing. About 5:00 I made the call to the midwife that I thought she could casually make her way to the house. She arived around 6:15 and my contractions were about 7-9 minutes apart. Matt had taken the kids to his brother's house and picked up a few movies and things we needed at the grocery. I had started a soup for myself and the midwives for dinner. I really thought it could be a while. Then at about 8:00 the contractions got super intensense. We did a check shortly after and I was at a 9. That was both surprising and exciting to me. I figured a couple more contractions and it will be time to push....wrong. Again, I had that darn cirvical flap/lip/whatever. It sucks! I labored for another hour and 45 minutes or so. This was HARD labor and just shy of the urge to push. I was getting physically exhausted I had been standing for most of the day. (that is just how I like to labor). I finally said that I needed to lay down. I was becoming mentally defeated at this time too. I took three contractions in this position. That was a hard thing to do too. I am not one to lay down during a contraction! But it was what my body needed. Suddenly the urge to push was so strong, I leaped off the bed and squatted. I broke my water and the head came out immediate in that push. Then with the next, her body. Two minutes after flying off the bed, I had a baby in my arms. She took all day to get here, but when she was ready it was in a flash! She is so tiny and looks a lot like Rachel. I have already called her that once on accident...many more to come I am sure. I am on the baby high right now, but I have also gotten a few hours of solid sleep. She ate great all night and then slipped off to dream land and is still sleeping soundly next to me. I am in love!

What We Need Vs. What We Want

In these last few weeks of pregnancy I tend to follow a pattern. First, I become increasingly excited about the impending arrival of our little one. This turns to obsession about exactly when it is going to happen. I then get frustrated and borderline angry that it has not happened yet. Thirdly, I begin a hormonal weepy phase where I am near either rage or tears for most of my day. The tears however, pave the way to finally leaning on God for strength and patience. Finally, I settle into a peace and acceptance of God's perfect timing. I release all control I think that I have over the situation. None of my children have come before I enter this final phase, and this one is no different. I am now in the peace and acceptance phase. It has taken me all week of struggling with these phases to come to this point. Needless to say it has been a difficult week. For those of you who have helped me through it, I appreciate your kind words, your listening ear, and your prayers. I am blessed with a great group of friends/family.

Now the glaring event that brought me to this point is how I got the title of this post. See, I wanted a baby this week. I felt entitled to have a baby this week. After all, I have gone past my due date with the other two...haven't I served my time? But here is the cool thing about God. He was gracious enough to ignore my want and instead supply my need. On Tuesday, I spent the majority of my Midwife appointment crying. I was stressed about numerous things and beyond over being pregnant. One of the things on my list was the stress of what to do with Rachel's potty training. She, for the most part, was getting it at home, but I had to be very involved in order for her to succeed as much as she was. After a discussion with the midwife I thought I should probably table it for now. I was still conflicted when I left the appointment, but I decided to talk to Matthew that night and make a decision together. We decided to just do the pull-up thing and encourage her to continue as much as SHE wanted to. Well the next morning she woke up dry. She then proceeded to go the next three days with only a couple of accidents. (Including night and nap time). It was like she heard us discussing tabling it and was not in favor of that decision! So, we have decided to proceed with the notion that she may regress when the baby is born, but we are dealing with a child who has the full capacity to be potty trained! She eagerly sits and goes when we ask and has even had several successful outings. We have also had a few accidents, but I have freed myself of that stress and am okay with the fact that that will happen from time to time. See, I WANTED to have a baby this week, but God knew I NEEDED a victory with the potty training before baby comes. She never would have turned that corner if we would have been welcoming a new baby this week. When God showed me that, I began the final phase. He affirmed to me (once again) that HIS timing is perfect and that HE is interested in the most mundane details of my life. The kicker is that He does this time and time again, and yet He doesn't lose patience with me or give up on me. One of the many reasons why I love Him!

The Final Pregnancy Pictures

I did let the kids finger paint my belly. It was fun, but Levi began just rubbing it in like lotion towards the end which resulted in this brown color throughout most of my belly. Oh well, it is art.

38 Weeks

Matthew took this picture in our backyard.

This is why I love our new camera!

I am in a weird place today. I can feel my emotions barely beneath the surface. I am close to tears over anything slightly touching. I am still a nervous ball of energy and yet, I have little patience for anyone/anything. I have become so filled with different emotions that the only way to move on about my day and be productive was to write them down. So here it goes.

I am getting some alone time today because I thought if I didn't these random and somewhat unpredictable emotions might be cast on some poor undeserving soul. (I apologize if I encounter you today and am not quite myself.)

I have the need to clean my entire house, yet I lack the clarity to sufficiently get it done in a few hours. I also am obsessed with the baby in my mind right now. I just want to sit around and think about him/her all day. I am excited to meet this little one, yet I am not quite ready for the big day. I have a full weekend planned and am excited to get to all the fun things ahead. PLUS there are those two other little angels who are in constant need of, oh I don't know, being cared for. I so want to make these last few weeks special, but I am falling prey to exhaustion and laziness. This then makes me feel bad and well just typing it now and thinking about it I almost started crying (see what I mean about the emotions just under the surface?). I pray that God takes mercy on my frail emotional and mental state in these last few weeks and does not make me wait much past my due date (or even a few days early would be just fine with me). I know this one, just like the other two, will come in His perfect timing. I just wish I were more focused on the here and now and not the near future.

I am also trying to absorb this pregnancy and all the wonderful things about it. Matthew and I have talked and agreed that three is the magic number for us. It is hard to believe that in five years I went from a newlywed to the end of my child bearing years. It seems like a blink of an eye. I can't say with 100% certainty that this is it, because frankly God could change our hearts. However, I am glad that Matthew and I so easily agreed on a number. Neither of us feels that we had to give in to the other. Now in two years when I no longer have a baby in the house...I will probably be going through some withdrawals. But I just trust that my heart will still be saying the same thing...or that Matthew's will be feeling the same as mine.

As far as this pregnancy? It has been a boring one. As in no complications, no spotting, no weird problems cropping up. I feel SUPER blessed for that. Rachel's was not so easy and I am glad my last is so "boring". And honestly, I feel really good for the most part at 38 weeks. I am not as achy all the time as I was with Rachel. Not sure why, but I am glad. Now sure I have those days when I feel like crap or at the end of the day I am wiped, but overall the end has not been as taxing as I thought it would be.

Well, anyway, I am feeling a bit better now and will hopefully get to accomplish all that I have on my mini-to-do list. I hope to get the pictures of the kids finger painting tomorrow and then it will be off to a GIRLS NIGHT! Then on Sunday I get to serve on the worship team for the last time before I go on "maternity leave". I love singing with the team so much that this is also making me emotional...more than it ever has before. Next week it is orientation for the kids preschool on Tuesday, massage on Wednesday, meet-the-teacher day on Thursday and boom we are looking at the week of my due date. So, I hope to focus on all the fun things planned in the week ahead.

Fun with Potty Training

It probably is better to coordinate your undies and hat.

I never thought I would say this, but potty training Rachel has been MUCH easier and almost fun. We are in the middle of day 3 of the the 3-day method. She has been accident free all day! This morning I put her in undies and she was less than thrilled. Shortly after, she took them off. I was about to get on to her and tell her to put them back on when I realized that she was headed straight for her potty. She sat down and relieved herself completely unassisted! I was thrilled! So, I let her run around naked the rest of the morning and she hasn't had a single accident. She even pooped on the potty without having to be told to go to the potty. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but I believe it is safe to say she has grasped the concept! I keep telling myself there will be accidents and she hasn't even had clothes on yet, but man is this a step in the right direction and this is only day 3! Thank you Jesus for this gift. Hoping that the diapers I bought last month are the last pack of size 4's I buy for a long time :)